Validate them and their feelings

Feelings or emotions are a rather strong component of being human. We all feel what we feel regardles of whether we want to at times. Telling someone their feelings are wrong, silly or unwarranted does not make the feelings go away, it just makes that person feel, unheard, unloved and invalidated.

We all have feelings, things that affect us in many ways – It’s safe to say that everyone experiences life from their own unique perspective (this is affected by each person’s past experience, personality and gender to name a few)

Feelings are not necessarily right or wrong, they just are what they are. Try to stop an emotion from welling up, it’s not easy. (Holding back tears of sadness or joy; stifling a cry of rage) We’ve all done it, or tried to do it at least a couple of times. We all know that feelings can be one of the biggest barriers to communication. Understanding feelings and how it can affect our interactions is crucial to having a better relationship with your children, or anyone for that matter.

At times, we don’t seem to know what to make of our feelings as adults, so why do we jump so quickly to suppress our children’s feelings. As parents, we need to help our children understand and work through their feelings (especially those which cause pain, or confusion) and come up with workable solutions if they are warranted. And sometimes we need to just hold them and let them feel what they feel in the safety of our loving embrace.

When dealing with your children’s feelings, it is best to choose words that embody encouragement, understanding and compassion rather than words that negate or belittle or invalidate what they are experiencing. As a parent, of course you want them to feel good, but ignoring their emotions no matter how noble the reason, does your child little good in the long run. Denial is more than just a river in Eqypt.

Help them face their feelings and work through them. Your child will talk to you more and seek your counsel if you listen to them and help them navigate their emotions not wallow in them or deny them completely. Validate their feelings, accept them for what they are and help them to learn how to figure things out for themselves. (You won’t always be there to help, don’t leave them stranded without the tools to figure life out for themselves).

Next: ways we invalidate others.