Respect, Repsonsibility - Teach it!, Model it!

How different this entry might have been had I wrote it in November. At times, especially difficult times, it seems that Respect and Responsibility are thrown out the window for self serving purposes or self preservation for those who seek justification.

As the world looks on with voyeuristic delight at Tiger Woods “transgressions” I can’t help but wonder as he will answer those tough questions his children will have for him someday; and they will ask, mark my words. We all want our kids to be the best, happy, smart, good looking, popular, rich, famous even, but how do we really feel about them being Respectful and Responsible? We want them to respect us (Don’t talk back to me, do your chores when I tell you). We want them to take responsibility for their actions (Who broke the table, who took the money from my dresser). But what do we really think about Respect & Responsibly.

What do those words mean to you as a person, a man, a woman, a parent, co-worker, a millionaire, a priest, a single parent a thief? I suspect, it will mean different things based on the aforementioned categories as it boils down to perspective.

Respect
Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.

Lets for the sake of raising children use the last entry. Self respect is holding oneself in high esteem. Respect for others is holding others in esteem. And then there is the respect for rules put forth by institutions etc. The problem becomes teaching and modeling respect when most people don’t understand what respect looks like or they don’t hold themselves accountable for being respectful of others rights. It’s kind of a twisted version of “not in my back yard” or forgetting “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”.

So, in order to model this, you have to practice it daily, despite whether or not you’re having a good day. In fact, if you’re having a bad day, it’s the most critical time to put forth respect for self and others. I have found that when I’m having a bad day if I can remain respectful and considerate of others, things begin to shift for the better. Respect and Responsibility are not weaknesses; in fact they are accurate indicators of our character and strength. Isn’t that something to strive for?

When speaking with your teens (or trying as the case may be) if you have not modeled respect for self and others, why would you expect that your children are going to reflect such traits back at you? By showing respect for your children’s feelings (the operative idea here is THEIR feelings, you allowed them to feel good about who they are. Does it mean you agree with everything? No, but it means you respect the right of them to have their own thoughts, beliefs, etc. I can almost feel some parents cringing but if you want your children to talk with you and share, you have to allow them to share who they are. Ask questions about their thoughts; how did they come to these feelings, conclusions about life, career etc. You might find they open up more than you would have expected if they feel that you actually care about what they think. Remember, they are kids, they will change their mind and perspective numerous times before they become adults.

Next up; Responsibility, teaching children to be accountable for their actions.