Listening is an integral part of communication which is the foundation for all relationships in your life.

Picking up where I left off last time. If you don’t listen to your kids (modeling) how are they to learn how to listen to you and other people in their lives.

What does it mean to listen?
It’s not enough to just be there, you have to be present.
Listening is about taking in someone’s else’s words, understanding, and respecting those feelings that are being conveyed to you by another through words.
Kids know when your really listening and they know when they are being heard. Listening to your kids does not mean you agree with them or that you give in; it shows you respect them enough to hear what they have to say. This is important if you want them to return the favor and listen to you. (See Observe your Own Behavior)
Reciprocity. Live it, reap the benefits. .

Listening is an integral part of communication
Some things that get in the way of listening
Anger
Depression
Stress
Anxiety
Past experience
Expectations
These factors can be both positive and negative

Breaking down the barriers to listening
Be aware of your barriers
Using “I” statements is about taking responsibility for your own feelings and conveying to others how your feeling about something, not that they made you feel this way.
We do have a choice, and again, no one can truly make you feel anything without your buy in.

When your at odds, with your teen, instead of blaming, ask “What can we do so that we get closer to what we both want?”
Discuss the situation from a problem solving point of view – (hint) the problem is the dirty room or what ever issue your dealing with, not your child. This is not weakness or giving in, it’s teaching kids how to resolve issues without resorting to blame, blackmail or badmouthing.

Thoughts to consider:
If you can’t hold your tongue during this discussion, try sitting on your hands or get a piece of paper and write thoughts down as they come up, but don’t interrupt, you’ll have your say. Let them finish. Then they have to let you finish(modeling).
Did I mention that this is a reciprocal relationship? It’s not a competition, It’s called Communicating.
Kids learn how to argue somewhere . . . . . . . .